Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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