It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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