When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
