you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
