Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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