wat bout pragnant strippers??
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
