Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Randomize
