I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
