I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
