Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You took a bar mat shot.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
