can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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