i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
