My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
