Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
