Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
