I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Randomize
