Texts From Last Night

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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.

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  (704): I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better. http://tfl.nu/5ydt
  Replies (15) Good night (3108) Bad night (690)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.

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  (403): I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go. http://tfl.nu/eq2k
  Replies (38) Good night (5235) Bad night (1059)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.

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  (708): He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS. http://tfl.nu/pf4u
  Replies (58) Good night (14820) Bad night (1608)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph

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  (732): all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time (1-732): swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph http://tfl.nu/tobf
  Replies (11) Good night (4725) Bad night (1049)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.

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  (601): I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha. http://tfl.nu/8fn5
  Replies (7) Good night (2166) Bad night (905)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.

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  (571): I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet. http://tfl.nu/230n
  Replies (5) Good night (2895) Bad night (1054)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.

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  (651): Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle. http://tfl.nu/f80s
  Replies (12) Good night (1028) Bad night (781)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?

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  (603): Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision? http://tfl.nu/bsbp
  Replies (7) Good night (1404) Bad night (614)
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  (909): View more from California

  This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.

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  (909): This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday. http://tfl.nu/sxb3
  Replies (2) Good night (441) Bad night (911)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.

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  (304): Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life. http://tfl.nu/4u1i
  Replies (6) Good night (1103) Bad night (684)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.

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  (215): I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing. http://tfl.nu/pyii
  Replies (15) Good night (1576) Bad night (402)
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  (925): View more from California

  I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.

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  (925): I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off. http://tfl.nu/d0dp
  Replies (5) Good night (1359) Bad night (324)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.

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  (919): We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad. http://tfl.nu/qk8s
  Replies (6) Good night (1694) Bad night (240)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Send help, water and tortillas.

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  (512): Send help, water and tortillas. http://tfl.nu/ih4z
  Replies (0) Good night (471) Bad night (192)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it

  (317): View more from Indiana

  is it necessary to steal the whole car?

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  (815): I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it (317): is it necessary to steal the whole car? http://tfl.nu/9ygq
  Replies (1) Good night (693) Bad night (166)

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