Texts From Last Night

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  (443): View more from Maryland

  the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms

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  (443): the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms http://tfl.nu/2y09
  Replies (22) Good night (4692) Bad night (1070)
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  (415): View more from California

  Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.

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  (415): Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only. http://tfl.nu/ffub
  Replies (7) Good night (4913) Bad night (1100)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.

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  (828): my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty. http://tfl.nu/rhpp
  Replies (29) Good night (7239) Bad night (1128)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.

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  (770): I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out. http://tfl.nu/bqmt
  Replies (8) Good night (2111) Bad night (1463)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt

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  (203): the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt http://tfl.nu/wx0v
  Replies (7) Good night (2240) Bad night (1549)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets

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  (717): no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets http://tfl.nu/m579
  Replies (5) Good night (3665) Bad night (749)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.

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  (678): I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back. http://tfl.nu/lb6m
  Replies (2) Good night (2507) Bad night (987)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD

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  (404): I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD http://tfl.nu/5vxn
  Replies (20) Good night (920) Bad night (5824)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night

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  (314): Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night http://tfl.nu/67n5
  Replies (10) Good night (2811) Bad night (819)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.

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  (303): We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates. http://tfl.nu/w536
  Replies (8) Good night (2795) Bad night (552)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.

  (1-810): View more from Michigan

  I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.

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  (810): Two word: claymation porn. Think about it. (1-810): I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me. http://tfl.nu/emwe
  Replies (8) Good night (1881) Bad night (683)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.

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  (281): Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real. http://tfl.nu/xx9a
  Replies (4) Good night (908) Bad night (590)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???

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  (708): In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog??? http://tfl.nu/uupj
  Replies (1) Good night (469) Bad night (283)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome

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  (207): But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome http://tfl.nu/qpzb
  Replies (8) Good night (706) Bad night (364)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?

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  (440): How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!? http://tfl.nu/0sun
  Replies (3) Good night (349) Bad night (463)

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