Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.