she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.