I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.