I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
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I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
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I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno