..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.