Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
