I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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