hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
