True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
