I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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