Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
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