Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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