She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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