gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
