He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
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I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
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I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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