some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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