just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
