The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize