I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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