How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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