I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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