Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
