i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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