come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
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when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
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he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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