i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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