my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
