We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
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He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
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Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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