White coat. Heels.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Randomize
