yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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