I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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