yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
