I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
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I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
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I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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