Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
