I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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