The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
