Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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