just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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