Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
