So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
