I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
