hotel room ftw
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
