let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
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She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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