this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
