I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
