I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
