to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
