im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
we're making bets on your personal life
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
